The impact of people on our lives is profound and multifaceted. From the earliest stages of development, interactions with caregivers shape our emotional and cognitive foundations. Friends and peers introduce us to new perspectives, hobbies, and experiences, enriching our social fabric. Mentors and role models inspire and guide us toward personal and professional growth. Even fleeting encounters can leave lasting impressions, influencing our beliefs, values, and aspirations.
Mike, a volunteer firefighter in our community, was very engaged in prenatal classes. That’s where we met. I was the class instructor and he was there with his wife. He asked thoughtful questions and wasn’t afraid to broach controversial topics and discuss them openly with his group. He wasn't particularly worried about supporting his partner through labour and birth. He felt confident because of his experience in emergency situations.
I was asked to attend their birth as their doula. His wife really wanted me there. He did not. He told me this on a street corner one night after class. I was coming because she wanted me there, not because I was needed or would be an asset to their team.
Their birth challenged me in so many ways. I was had ten years experience behind me and this birth solidified the belief that the more I know about birth, the more I know I don’t know. There was a point in labour where things got a little wonky. Mike stood up for his wife and made sure everybody knew what she needed. He was an excellent support to her. He was in it for the long-haul and beside her the whole time. I looked after her physical needs, and he took care of the rest. Along with his mother-in-law, the four of us made an excellent team. We did so well together that I was invited back, and welcomed by him, to the birth of their second child.
More than 20 years have passed since that first birth day. Interestingly, Mike is (still) the only person who has ever walked me to my car after a birth. He thanked me for sticking by him even when he was a little <tic> hostile about my presence. He was both humble and gracious.
While he hadn’t felt the need for my support, originally, he acknowledged that he was wrong and was grateful for my presence. He couldn’t have anticipated how this day would unfold. He also said he’s glad his wife had the strength and wisdom to have me there.
Years later, I ran into his wife at a coffee shop. She must have told him I was there because, within five minutes of her leaving, Mike came over to catch up. He shared updates about his life and proudly spoke about his kids. It was a touching reminder of the impact we can have on each other's lives and sometimes I forget this. The reminders are sometimes poignant and often powerful.
We continued to see each other on and off over the years and had some very insightful and interesting conversations.
Mike died last night. He was one of a kind. My reflections today focus on the impact people have on our lives and he most definitely impacted mine. He challenged me, he humbled me and he helped me to see things through a very different lens. I will always be grateful for this. As doulas, our ego sometimes has us believe that we can positively impact the life of those we serve but we often forget to look for the ways that others have shaped us. We don’t always recognize these moments but if we take the time to sit with our thoughts, we can be thankful for the direct, and indirect, changes people make to our lives.
Ultimately, through connections with others, we learn empathy, resilience, and the power of human connection, all of which contribute to shaping who we are and how we navigate the world. Thank you, Mike, for being part of my journey.
Thank you Mel, you took me down a trip of memory lane, and reminded me of things I had forgotten. I am so glad God brought us together! See you soon! ❤️🤗